


Depression's a Bitch, Ain't It?

by StariNights



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Grey days, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Will be added as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-16 05:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13047453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StariNights/pseuds/StariNights
Summary: A collection of one shots, mostly vent fics. Triggers will be added at the beginning of each chapter.





	1. Grey Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW-Minor panic attacks, depression, self hate.

Everyone has bad days, days where you just feel like staying in bed, warm and safe in your pajamas. Well, while everyone has ‘bad days”, Solluxander Captor had Grey Days. Today was one such day, he hadn’t even felt it coming, it just hit him like a ton of bricks in the morning.

 

He woke up cold, his boyfriend having left for his morning classes. He rolled over and glanced at the clock, groaning when he realized it was noon, he was late for work, but the thought of getting out of bed made him nauseous, much less dealing with ignorant customers who dropped their phones in the toilet. 

 

He grabbed at his phone, squinting in the light, and dialed his boss's number.

 

“Hey sir, sorry i’m late but I’m gonna have to take a sick day.” Sollux silently thanked his voice for being hoarse from sleep, it helped him sell it. His boss said okay and wished him better soon. He had barely said thank you before he hung up the phone and dropped it beside his bed. The conversation hadn’t lasted two minutes but he was already drained. 

 

He rolled over to look up at the ceiling. He stared at the glowing stars  Eridan had stuck there until his vision started to blur. Closing his eyes he groaned, wiping at the tears that had already formed. 

 

“Fuck…” he sighed, suddenly wishing it wasn’t a wednesday, so his wonderful boyfriend would be here to cuddle him and get him his meds- He groaned again when he remembered he was out, ran out last week and he was going to pick them up today on his way home from work. Fuck.

 

_ It’s a good thing he’s not here, he  _ _ hates _ _ taking care of you, you’re such a burden.  _

 

Ah yes, self deprecating thoughts, right on cue. He cupped his face in his hands as he felt tears cascade down the side of his face and into his ears. 

 

He laid there and cried for what felt like hours, the numbness spreading across his body, curling its way into his lungs, pulsing in his head and giving him a terrible migraine. He felt like screaming, crying and sleeping all at the same time, yet his mind only allowed him to do one. He was almost glad Eridan wasn’t home, he hates when he sees him like this. He just felt so weak, and helpless, and pitiful, and he hated it.  _ See, useless, can't even get yourself your meds. _

 

At some point during his pity-fest, his breath had started to speed up. It hitched and cracked, it was five minutes before he realized he couldn't breath. He sat up and gasped, squeezing his stomach and scrunching his eyes closed. He tried to focus on his breathing like Eridan always did when he was having a panic attack. He sat up, clutching his chest. In…count to seven…out.

 

He was so focused on his breathing he didn't hear the door unlock, nor did he notice the quiet footsteps padding across the floor. No, he didn't hear anything until two sweatered arms wrapped around his middle. 

 

He jumped as his boyfriend hugged him “Grey day?” he whispered into Sollux shoulder. He hung his head and grabbed Eridan’s arms, still shaking “wh-why are you home?” he croaked.

 

“classes let out early, now, don't ignore my question” he quietly scolded. Sollux nodded. 

 

He hummed “did you take your meds?” 

 

Sollux hesitated, he really didn’t want Eridan to be disappointed, but he shook his head despite himself, “ran out.”  Eridan hummed again, shuffling off the bed to stand in front of him. 

 

He crouched down so he could look at Sollux’s face, thumbing away his tears. “d’you want some soup? Or somethin’ to drink?” he spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, he knew sollux had a migraine. He silently thanked him and shook his head.

 

“can you just…” he didn't no know how to ask, he never did, he didn't want to seem pathetic. Thankfully, Eridan knew what he wanted. 

 

He nodded and toed off his shoes, climbing into bed with him, maneuvering so Sollux could rest his head on his chest and ran a hand through his hair. Sollux swung an arm around him, clutching the soft material of his sweater. It looked quite funny, sollux being almost a foot taller than him, but he didn't care.

 

Sollux buried his face in his chest, listening to Eridan’s heart beat. It was like a song, Sollux’s favorite song, as sappy as it sounded. 

 

He was still crying, but Eridan didn't shush him, or tell him to calm down, he just let him be, carding a hand through his hair, pressing scattered kisses on the top of his head, to show him he was there.

 

Sollux felt himself start to drift off, still crying, still shaking, mind still full of self hating thoughts, but Eridan was there, casting shield around him so he could take a break from the fighting.

  
And he was content.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you liked it.
> 
> Leave a comment if you hated it.
> 
> Leave a comment if you're really fucking gay.


	2. Loneliness

Eridan likes to be alone. 

He likes reading alone. he likes painting alone, he like curling up and drinking his favorite tea alone, he likes to be alone. 

He had texted Feferi, they had planned to go to the aquarium together that day, he'd really been looking forward to it. Thirty minutes later she tells him she can't make it, Aradia's leaving on a trip and they were spending time together. He tells her he doesn't mind as he grabs his book, "I like bein' alone."

He go's to his favorite cafe, the one that always smells like vanilla, to work on an essay that's due next week. He pauses outside when he see's Karkat sitting with Dave in a corner booth, arguing about something or another. He catches Karkat smile and he turns away. "I dont mind" he muttered to himself, pulling his scarf up to cover his face, "I like bein' alone." 

He seems to have less and less plans, either getting canceled last minute or no one bothered to show up. "I don't mind" he said to himself, sinking into his booth where Sollux had left him waiting "I like bein' alone."

He spent the next few weeks in his apartment, only occasionally coming out for groceries. His friends don't ask where he's been, he doesn't mind. He likes being alone.

He went out less and less, with no one to keep his mind occupied, he buries himself in his books, living off of tea and three hours of sleep. He's lost weight, he doesn't notice. There's no one there to point it out to him. He stopped going to class, what did it matter to him if he failed, wasn't like he was short on money. His answering machine stayed empty, his pester-logs a wasteland. "I don't mind" he said, setting his phone down. only to check it again a moment later "I like bein' alone."

He dragged himself out of his house when he couldn't ignore his stomach a second longer. He walked down the streets, burying himself in his scarf to shield himself from the winter wind. He finds himself heading to his favorite cafe, he missed the smell of vanilla. He turns the familer corner only to stop dead in his tracks. He looked through the window to see his 'friends' all sitting at a table. laughing and smiling, all bright and happy faces. His chair beside Roxy is filled with an unfamiliar face. He catches his reflection in the window, and tears well up in his eyes. His skin was paler then normal, and even under his bulky sweater you could tell he was too thin, and the bags under his eyes would make a raccoon jealous. "No, I don't mind bein' alone..." he said, staring at his old friends, tears rolling down his hollowed cheeks "but... I don't think I'm to fond of bein' lonely."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt a little hopeless today, so I wrote about it. I know it's short but it's what I have, so take it.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you liked it
> 
> Leave a comment if you hated it
> 
> Leave a comment if you're super fucking gay


End file.
